Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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