guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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