I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
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i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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