So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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