So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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