My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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