The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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