Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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