I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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