youre lurking in front of me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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