Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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