yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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