the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize