I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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