My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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