I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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