What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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