We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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