i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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