On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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