I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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