I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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