I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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