please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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