The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
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Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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