wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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