I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize