i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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