You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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