I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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