Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize