I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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