She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm always down for nudity.
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