I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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