i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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