Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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