i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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