He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
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She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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