Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize