apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Drunk is not a location!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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