Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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