do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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