Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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