1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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