so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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