cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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