when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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