ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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