I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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