Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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